Gypsy

"Soon it would be happening again. Packing Time!!" This is how i remember my childhood. From eventful dates and years to my age to my education, each is co-related to where i was present at that time - which city and which home. I haven't seen much of the city hopping, but till the time my father was in service of the Indian army and to the present day when he would finally settle to his fixed abode, i have seen a lot of packing. When i was too young to understand what it meant to 'pack your stuff', only thing that made sense was that we are going to a "New" home and a fun bit of traveling by the chug chug rail. With new home came a new school, new class mates and of course new friends. Friends. Ah i was that happy go lucky girl who could easily get lost, lost in her own world, following all - whoever and whatever that fascinated the eyes of little me. As i grew up it turned out that I was never the social types, the outgoing kid, so it was always up to my mother to get me introduced to kids on the block and the blocks nearby. So as long as she did that i had friends. The day she stopped i was left to my own little world with no one to intrude. In my inner solitude I made friends with fairies and goblins then, the children at red roofs and green meadows, the 5 find outers, the famous five, the Malory towers, saint clare, wishing chair, amelia jane, far away tree, joe, bessy, fanny, the saucepan man, moon face and slippery slip... the list is long. But all this came later. Long before this, i got to learn the meaning of "pack your stuff". I close my eyes and i see my young beautiful mother, painstakingly wrapping all the good stuff in paper, placing it neatly in freshly painted and dried boxes of wood. The whole house would come down to pieces, each corner would be emptied of its adornment and wrapped up nicely to be of service again. It was time we were given our own cartons which soon graduated to trunks. We had we fill it with our precious little toys, teddies, board games, comics et al, anything and everything that held value to us at that tender young age got its rightful place in our little box. Our box too would get a number and dad's name painted on it like the other bigger boxes and then loaded onto the big truck on the d-day. Just before the d-day arrived, the house would be empty and kitchen would have the picnic look. The electric stove would be out and and mom would be cooking on it instead. Then on d-day, we would joyfully hop into jaunga off to the station. If lucky enough we would get to live in the mess during transit or while waiting for the house to be allotted. I loved exploring the mess as they often had peacocks and squirrels and puppies around. It was fun time for us, the gypsy life, staying-packing-moving, the circle would keep repeating.

Today i understand "Pack your stuff" isn't really a fun thing to do. It breaks your back and tires you out. Parents definitely don't enjoy it. From packing my childhood carton to packing for the whole house seems like comparing the ant and the mammoth. But somewhere inside i fear what if this cycle of "pack your stuff" stops and am confined to the same house for the remaining years to come. I want to cherish exploring each new home, setting it up, getting fond of it, making the house my home, just the way mom used to do. I'd definitely like to have the opportunity to deck up my home again and again and again.

Happiness :)

Happiness lies within and outside. If its not within then we fail to see it ouside, and if it is not outside its not within either. There has to be a balance -- it has to be at both the places to exist.

What we see around is what we take within...and what we have within is what we give and add to our surroundings.

Sometimes life brings us at one such point, where we have lost the happiness within. We lose hope and are in despair. Its the time when we reach out and search for happiness outside so that it flows in and fills our heart again with the same hope and cheer we had once. Unless we do that and keep ourselves from reaching out to that happiness, we can never let it in. It will be out there in the world, and stay with those who care to let it in and add on to it too.

It works both ways, we take happiness from outside when we loose it within and we give happiness to outside when we have it inside of us.

So the question is -- How do we take or receive the happiness from outside and make it ours ?? and how we give our abundance of happiness to the outside of us??

Its very simple.
To receive happiness, we don't have to pretend we are happy. First let out the sorrows if need be, empty those thoughts. How to do that... ?? Well as a matter of fact they can't be emptied in one go, they have be replaced first with "something else" and then as this layer of "something else" grows stronger and thicker, the older layer of sorrow and despair shrinks and loses significance. Its then the right time that we willingly discard those sorrows and open the doorway ajar for the happiness to fill our heart with.

This "something else" can be ?? well that is upto you.... This "something else" is highly dependent on the cause of sorrow ....and appropriately there does always exist a "something else" ;)
But the end result is that we always come out stronger and brighter than ever before. We may get the company of caring friends, even sharing the sorrows of others helps us see the magnitude of our own problems shrinking, it could be a new hobby, a newer job, a new aim, a new friend, a new pet, a new focal point where we can invest our mind and energies to.

But yes to find this "something else" means we are to ignite the starting point, i.e. when we realise from the deepest core of our heart that we have to move forward and help ourselves out of this situation. For example -- having lost the friendship of my best friend, i came to hate myself and scrutinize my each public behaviour, that am i that bad and tactless in my dealings with friends, am i that bad a person ? I found the answer when others reached out to me and made me their own. My action?? i initiated to open the doorway and welcome them in my life. I have better friends today who are more caring and supportive and i also have learnt the truth of life that friends no matter how close, the friendship is never static. We have to be honest and not pretend, because being honest means you are true and do actively work for the betterment of the friendship; while pretense is indeed hiding your true emotions when you feel otherwise which does injustice to the very loving relationship of friendship. There is a stark line of contrast between being a friend and an acquaitance, and you can be on the either side any day for someone, and its always better to know on which side you are for a person and do you really wish to change your position from one[friend/acquaintance] to another[acquaintance/friend].

Also how to add to the happiness in our surrounding??
Well this is required because today we are happy but someone out there is not happy. He/She needs to let go of the sorrows and take happiness from outside. How?? Happiness is not floating in the air.. It is in abundance yes but distributed. Each is a carrier of happiness. We carry it along with us, we are the outside[surroundings] for the other and they are the outside for us. We give it to them who need it. Doing so helps in increasing the happiness count within us and also help lower the sorrow count in the other and encourage them to open the door for the happiness from all around to enter and fill their heart. The step to open the door, the step to ignite this move to open the door is the crucial one. Just have to ensure that you don't close it before enough of happiness has entered to fight off the old sorrows.

And yes this is not a one time process. This keeps happening with all of us all the time. We give or take happiness all the while. And each time we come out stronger and brighter and more wise.

I am m not happy today, but am looking for my "something else" and i know I will find it soon.
I have been through it once, so I know would be out again and each time i am full of despair i would know how to fight it off :)

Keep smiling always... it may help others if not you :)

THANKS

Thank you for all the encouragement I got here.
I shall no longer be blogging.

Bbye and keep smiling always :)

The Magical World of .....The Human BRAIN

My brain is all jumbled up these days. All messed up with memories I had let go, things happening around, things going to happen, things happened and yet unforgotten, and my Conscience. My thoughts and My Conscience take up most of my brain, my thinking time, my living time.

Am not with company most of the times. I am not anti social by choice. I became one, and I am one. I talk. I talk to who so ever wants to, has time to. I don't compel anyone to talk. Sometimes I wonder why would anyone like to talk to me in the first place. Am just any another face in the crowd, nothing significant to me. Just another soul trying to find meaning to life, trying to find significance in life, trying to find purpose of existence, trying to find reason to live, feel needed.

Probably the best thing that gives us a high is being Needed. The realization that you may have it in you to bring a change, influence, either on the lives of an individual, individuals, an organization, an association or an nation. Being wanted gives some value to life.

I always say life is no Experiment. But I live mine as one. I live to Experience. Once I was so much disillusioned, that didn't knew why was I existing; and if this is the way life is meant to be, has always been, if this is called life, it ain't happening. It was a silent resolve then to live each day. Not just be a mere spectator and let circumstances guide your day. Make a Day. And even if you don't plan it, enjoy each moment, coz you never know what happiness might be hidden in the moment and moment next to it.

Things are sometimes destined to be. Hidden are the ways of the Lord. Sometimes the insignificant and most usual of the days end up being the most memorable day of life. Days when you achieve something by accident, when you are not at it, still had harbored the desire somewhere, and out of the blue the Lord conspires to surprise you. Give you what you thought of doing, making you do it without even realizing that the entire time your actions were leading you to something you hadn't expected to find at the end of the tunnel, not this tunnel at least.

My thoughts, take me closer to understanding me at times; understanding you at times; understanding things which didn't look obvious at first, understanding and evaluating my actions and thoughts; yes even evaluating my own thoughts, i.e. why do i think this ways? why do i approach this issue this ways? makes me understand myself, the flaws in me, in helping me realize how I could I be better, a better being, who can meet eyes with the Lord and say Yes, I have been good. I have been true. I was upto no malice and lived it through like no experiment, but understanding and always awed and amazed at the creations of the Lord. His impeccable planning, so flawless, the plot so fine, me like an actor so deeply into her role - her soul, learning the wisdom of the world.

Enjoy the nature's beauty. I sometimes miss having not got to see the beautiful mountains, the waterfalls, the rivers, the bridges, the sea, the snow, the sand, the harvest, the life in the wilderness. I have seen it on television, on Nat Geo, on Discovery, but cudn't smell it, cudn't feel the breeze, cudn't feel the thrill, the sounds. I saw it all though. I don't have the luxury to enjoy it. well i have said it, even enjoying the free things of life, the beauty of nature is a luxury today. Its called wasting time and money by my folks, activity idle or rich people indulge in. Better invest in healthy eating and procuring things which would make life easier. Invest!!. Invest to have a good old age. But I wanna see the world. The things that come free; are pure and beautiful. And marvel at the purity of life; even the pure creations of man.

Simple beautiful things are in my backyard too. The birds chirping there, the peacocks which happen to be there at times, the birds which are new, the greens, the growth, the life bubbling in there, the squirrels, the lizards and the toads. The honey bees and the butterflies. They are beautiful creations of Lord too. My friend said once that I am living a life of compromise, that too at this young age!!. But I approach life differently. I don't have it, but still I make the best of what I have, I realise the worth of what I have, instead of wanting more.

Truthfully speaking my mind is overflowing with thoughts, things I do, and things I want to do; things I want to do and can and things which I want to do and can't do. Things I feel and I deny. Things I feel and accept too. Things I don't feel and am supposed to. Memories. Imaginations. Illusions and delusions. The mystical world of the human brain, its potentials overwhelm me and scare me.

Gift of Life

Life is wonderful. A true gift that any being, any organism in the universe could get is by possibly being born on earth. As a child I would often gaze at the night sky and try to recognize the various constellations with their names. It was my favourite part of the after-dinner walk that we would often take. That time my father was still serving in the forces, and I would daily expect him back home by 6 in the evening. If not then I woud get tensed, hoping and praying to God to please send my papa back home safe and sound. My worries were baseless, but then as a child I could only pray to God.

I don't know today if God exists the way they told us when we were kids. He lives in Heaven, a beautiful place, where only good people go to after they leave Earth. Then I guess all the good animals and good creatures too get to live in Heaven, but how does one decide the goodness of animals to qualify them their share of the Heaven, or are they too meanly to be sharing the place meant for us, the so called higher beings.

My perspective of God has been ever changing. It was idol worship first, then vision of the Universe and science overtook to disbelief. God for me is an idea. A force so strong. Its true its in me, its the belief I show in myself, its something I fall back on when in trouble or weak, its me, my faith, faith not in extreme super power existing somewhere but the faith that yes if I will I
can, morally supported by the presence of overwhelming realisation of one's expectations and duties and need to harness one's capabilities. Believening in yourself is believeing in God.

I look around for support, and I find it in him. I don't see him, but I feel him, his presene, him understanding. It could be the book I stare at for the entire hour and speak to, and sometimes to have that dramatic effect actually sit front of his idol created by Humanity. And he listens, patiently, even hears unsaid words, unsaid prayers. But he too is helpless sometimes with us not cooperating to get our wishes done. Praying isn't enough. God only helps, gives the push to the people who try, infact not just try but strive to accompalish it too. If you are not willing to work for your Goal but wish for it the same, God won't be pleased to help. You appease him with your hardwork and determination.

But always getting the fruits of your labour isn't necessary. And then you tend to loose hope. You loose faith. Faith should live on. Hardwork and Luck are two facets or modes of getting your Goal. One may have done the best one could and yet not bear fruit of one's work, and one may have just tried and got it too without much ado. But the faith you have, the faith in you, in your capabilities, in the possibilities, they make you what you are. A striver or a withdrawer.

Life is beautiful. Its not an experiment. Live each day as a new beginning to something purposeful. You needn't have a mission in life, but the only, the possibly only simple mission anyone could have is be a good being. To fellow humans, to fellow beings. Respect nature, respect Mother Earth. Respect the feelings of others, be it human or any other earthling. All were born with proper rights to this life, some loose it fast, some hold onto it for long. The struggle for survival is everpresent at all levels of organisms, but one should be repected for being alive, given their due share in whats their's too by birth. Make a person smile, happier, and see how happy it makes you too. Be it helping out your neighbour with the errands or just feeding the birds in your Garden. Sometimes hearing your own mind, your own soul, getting close to your roots and mother Earth is just what it takes to rejuvenate the dying enthusiasm and spirit to strive and try again. Because as is said, Try, Try, Again until you succeed.

As an ending note, always remember these lines. They always help me when am in doubt as to how to start and go about a task I have been set to and know nothing of.

"Lets Start by doing the Possible and Necessary....
...And Suddenly we shall be doing the Impossible."